Jessica Rector—Single Mom Coaching Expert
In order for me to answer this the best way, it’s probably best I tell you about a defining moment and coaching people just like you. My defining moment came when I was unexpectedly fired from a part-time job.
A couple of years before this, I was thoroughly enjoying my life. I was a talk show host, lived in Norway, volunteered in Africa, and went shark diving, dog sledding, and skydiving. I wondered if life could get any better. Although I was working part-time to help build my business, I thought I had found my passion life coaching when everything unexpectedly changed.
I met a guy who I thought could be “the One.” I just loved the idea of maybe he was it, because I never pictured myself 37, still single, and no kids. So I got caught up in the image of what I thought it would be like until I very quickly realized he wasn’t what I wanted. I broke up with him, and three days later I found out I was pregnant. UH OH! After having three separate conversations about trying to work it out, I told myself it wasn’t what I wanted. I deserved better and so did my child. So here I was pregnant, alone, scared, and working a job to pay the bills and trying to grow my business.
Initially I was devastated about being pregnant, because all I could think about was how this “career” I’ve worked so hard for now just went up in smoke. How would I be able to provide for my child. I knew better. After all, my sister was a single mom at 16 and even then I knew that was never going to be me. Little did I know 13 years later, that would be exactly me.
And shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I published my first book called Live Your Greatest Life, which was in some ways, unbeknownst to me, foreshadowing all that was headed my way.
I only told my family and a couple of friends about the baby. Otherwise, I kept this secret, and I felt the emotions and feelings bottling up inside of me. The bigger my stomach got, the more alone I felt and the more isolated I became. I felt people just didn’t get it or understand. I was hiding so much of who I was that I became just a fraction, a shell, of the vibrant, dynamic, energetic person I was before my pregnancy.
I needed help and looked online for it. The more I looked, the more frustrated I became with the lack of support for single moms.
At seven months pregnant, I started a blog to share my story hoping to help others who were feeling the same…and this is how some people found out about my impending single motherhood. I got positive support and feedback, so I slowly started sharing it in person with strangers and found everyone knows a single mom.
I had great big plans for my life, and as a perfectionist and control freak, this wasn’t it.
Once my son was born, everything changed. I wasn’t getting child support, so I put my pride and ego aside and accepted help from the government. I also realized perfectionist and being a control freak was overrated, and it was too hard to keep up with that. What what I supposed to say or not say, do or not do?
With a new baby, it was easier to just be me. If people liked me great, if they didn’t great. As soon as I was just me, shared my story, and allowed myself to be vulnerable, that’s really when I started connecting with people.
A couple of months after I was unexpectedly let go from my job, The Single Mom Movement was formed to change the world through single moms. In order to empower our children, we first have to be empowered.
Statistics shows the children of single parents have more behavioral, cognitive, health, and social issues than other children. When I read this, I had to do something about it…not only for my own son but also for the millions of other children of single moms.
They deserve better and so do single moms. For single moms, a lot of what stands in our way is our mindset. We think we don’t matter, don’t deserve it, aren’t worthy, aren’t good enough, can’t do it, and won’t be loved, liked, or accepted.
I got out of my own way quickly. I decided to take immediate action, because I didn’t want to struggle, feel overwhelmed, or have stress. The Single Mom Movement became a global company in a year, changing the lives of single moms and their children around the world.
I talked with a lot of other single moms so I could learn more directly about their challenges, struggles, hopes, and dreams. I did research, read books, and implemented techniques to better serve single moms, because I wanted to become an expert on single moms. And what’s amazing, is the one thing that I thought would ruin my life, my precious baby boy, is the one thing that has catapulted and transformed my life in ways I never imagined possible. He’s the joy I never knew I was missing, but he also brought me the career I dreamed about and being able to serve the most amazing people, single moms.
I discovered my own shame around being a single mom and realized for my pregnancy and the first few months of my son’s life, I was engulfed in it. So I dug deep and did my own work on shame in order to now help and support other single moms through it. Shame is in all of us. It’s as though we are wearing a Scarlet Letter, which increases our self-doubt and insecurities, while decreasing our self worth and value. Yet no one wants to talk about the shame. Most of the time it’s not screaming in our face, it’s subtle and manifests in ways we can’t see through ourselves and even our children.
If you give single moms tips, strategies, and tools without creating a solid foundation, it’s a short term band-aid instead of a long-term solution. Acknowledging, accepting, and recognizing shame, fears, self-doubt, and unworthiness is the best step in creating a long term solution. When we do this, all tides will rise.
I’ve since made the commitment to dedicate the rest of my professional life as a single mom mentor helping single moms transform their lives and the lives of their families. I fully believe in every single mom and her voice, value, and worth to herself and this world. My mission is to change the world for single moms and for every single mom to be true to who she is, achieve success, be fulfilled, have fun, and live empowered, while readjusting her mindset through support, programs, workshops, and products.
Since then I’ve reached massive success in a short period of time through The Single Mom Movement, coaching and mentoring hundreds of clients, speaking to thousands, talking with Congressmen and women and Senators, creating change at the ground level, and starting a movement that not only empowers single moms and their children but empowers others around them.
As my name, JessICAREctor, spells, I CARE, so how can I serve you as a single mom?